I honestly thought that after the ups and downs of my Teens and Twenties, that I would have the Thirties in the bag. I was convinced I had learned all the lessons I needed to learn from the mistakes that I was supposed to make, and that this was it. This was supposed to be the time that it was all going to finally work out.
Not long after I had that thought, shit hit the fan in my life before I even knew what hit it, and my world felt more like a tidal wave that I couldn’t catch a breath from. This blog idea came from the need for me to put my words out into the universe, to relieve myself from the thoughts that seem to sit so heavy on my shoulders.
I have been typing for weeks now. Idea after idea, word after word, of what my first post would or should be. Last weekend, I anticipated coming home from work late Friday night, pouring myself a nice big glass of wine, and letting the thoughts go as I clicked the Post button on my computer.
A shitty day at work happened, Friday came and went, and another week flew by without writing anything.
As I lay staring at the ceiling in bed just a short while ago, I thought, “why am I putting so much fucking pressure on myself to do this perfectly?” Do you ever notice that the pressure we feel the most isn’t from the world around us, it is from ourselves. There isn’t a right way, let alone a perfect way, and there isn’t a wrong way. I’m not going to wake up with the sun shining, the birds chirping in the window, and arising out of bed ready to start this thing like I might if this were a movie trailer. This is real life, and the truth is, it is fucking exhausting. There is no perfect timing. If anything, life is a hot mess. But maybe that will be the beauty in this whole thing.
Then I had another thought, “get your ass out of bed and fucking do it already!”
My Mom always said, “You gotta start somewhere.” So this is my somewhere. It may not be exactly how I pictured it. Instead of a glass of wine, a cat lays in its place on my desk as she rubs her cheek on my elbow, purring proudly as the world sits dark. My home is quiet, and blog is finally born.
Cheers, and welcome to These So-Called Thirties.
Imaginary sip of Pinot has been taken.
Song of the Blog:
Under Pressure | David Bowie & Queen | Circa 1981
