I was thinking about what I would do differently if I could hop in a time machine right now, go back and do this thing called life all over again. If I knew then what I know now, how would I live it differently? As much as I wish I could take a ride in a Delorean, there’s no time like the present—so I wrote a letter to my younger self instead. It isn’t too late to take some of this advice, though for the things I really really wish I could do—I can never go back.

If you could write a letter to yourself, what would you say? And what would you do differently?

Dear Kelly,

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Where shall I begin?

You are going to grow up one hell of strong, creative, out-spoken, and independent woman—exactly like your Mom. You are going to have some really great times in life, but you are also going to have some really rough ones—some tougher than you’d ever imagine getting through—but you will get through them. I promise. You are going to experience both love and tremendous loss, and life may not work out exactly how you pictured it to be in your mind. If you take this advice, I guarantee your life will be so much fuller than you could imagine.

Let’s start with your Mom. She will do the best she can as a single mom with so much on her plate, and you won’t understand how hard she has had it until you are older. So, respect her always, and appreciate every little thing that she does for you. She will ask you a dozen times to go on vacation to visit her sister in Florida together—please go. I know you keep saying that you’ll go when you have more vacation time and money, but time will fly—and someday, that is much sooner than you could ever imagine—you won’t get another chance.

I am sorry to tell you, but your Mom will get Cancer. You’ll think she will beat it—and she will fight like hell to stay in this world with you and your brother. But please do whatever you have to do to move back home as soon as you can. Not only to take care of her, but to soak in her laughter and all the love that she gives you. She loves you more than anyone else in this world—as she always said—more than all the stars in the sky.

Consider going to a college that is a little closer to home. I know that you are bold, and stubborn, and want to explore who you are and what life is like away from where you grew up—but you’ll save money, and the love from your family and friends will be right there when you need it. If you go away, the first few years are going to be way tougher than you think.

Love fully, but be cautious of the men you choose to spend your time with. Don’t just watch for those red flags, but address them when you notice them. And choose to walk away from someone that has more than the normal amount that comes along with life’s baggage. Don’t love someone until they’ve proved that they are worthy of it. You deserve so much more than you think you do.

If a man cares about you enough to stay but not enough to say he loves you and actually prove it—run—as fast as you can away from this asshole, and all the ones that you encounter exactly like him. Contrary to what you believe, “He” will never wake up one day and realize his undying love the two of you share. It will just be a waste of time and another hard lesson you’ll have to learn.

Speak up when you have an opinion, and don’t let others take advantage of your tendency to be accommodating. There’s a difference between being easy-going, and not addressing things that you really want—and what is really okay versus what isn’t. Stand up for yourself.

Be responsible with your money. Credit does not mean free, and using it is a slippery slope. It is very important to save money and budget within your means, so save it and spend it wisely. If you ever run into trouble, don’t cash out your 401K that you’ve worked so hard for your whole life. Call a financial counselor first, who can help put you back on the right path.

Rent instead of buying—trust me on this. I know it sounds really exciting to own your own home, and yes it is fun to do whatever you want and paint your own walls, but wait on doing this until you are past your mid-Thirties. And also make sure that you have the additional income to hire some help around the house and yard if you go in on it alone. It is much less glamorous than they portray it to be on Home and Garden Television—it is a hell of a lot of work.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You put so many things on your plate—if it isn’t one thing you need to do, then it’s another. Try not to get so overwhelmed. I know you get depressed and deal with anxiety—but it doesn’t make you any less of a human being. It is okay to cry, and it is okay to get upset when things don’t work out the way you anticipated. Shake it off, take one thing at a time, and know that there you are not alone.

Try not to care so much about what others think of you. I know that getting called names and being picked on growing up has impacted you, but you are absolutely beautiful inside and out and I wish that you could see that. You are perfectly imperfect, and are enough—just they way you are.

Be open to spirituality. I know the topic of religion has always brought you discomfort, though I’m not quite sure why. Others have pressured you to see things through their eyes, and I know it pushes you away more than anything. You’ll figure it out on your own time. But please be open-minded, and know that when people talk about it, they aren’t trying to push you—they are trying to help you.

Exercise regularly, and for Christ sake, please don’t go tanning. You are going to go through a time when you discover that you love running, and get really in shape. Keep it up, no matter what obstacles life throws at you. Later on in life you’ll have less time and less energy for it, so put in the work now—it will pay off later! And I know you think it makes you feel better when you have a bronze glow, and that it makes you look a few pounds thinner, but you will want to kick yourself in the ass for doing this someday. Your glow will turn into age spots as you approach your Thirties and you’ll notice more abnormalities with your skin. It is absolutely not worth it. Oh, and one more tip along those lines—do not—I repeat do not—ever try Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream. It will become a bit more than a minor addiction.

And last but not least—and pretty damn importantly—live more and work less. Life is about living, and spending time with friends and family. You will feel the need to prove yourself and work way more hours than you should for the amount that you are paid. I know you are ambitious, but save that passion for life—outside of the 9 to 5. Yes, you can still be passionate there, but don’t let it exhaust you and burn your candle at both ends. Take vacations, go on road trips, and give yourself the breaks that you deserve in between the rush of the daily grind.

I know this sounds overwhelming, but don’t worry—no matter what, you’ll still have a good life with great memories. I want what is best for you, and for you to find happiness and peace in this life. I’ll be here with you along your journey.

Sincerely,

Thirties Kelly
Xoxo

Did I mention that I have a giveaway coming up? Really think about what you would say to your younger self if you could speak to him or her right now. I may have a challenge coming up that could score you some goodies for your answer on Facebook. Stay tuned!

Song of the Blog:

I Hope You Dance  |  Lee Ann Womack  |  Circa 2000

This song touches my heart because if my Mom were here today—I believe this is some of what she would write in a letter to me.