So it’s been a while (a long while, actually) since I have written. And that Giveaway that I got all psyched up about back in July—whatever happened to that? Well, it is still on my radar, but sometimes our plans need to take a backseat to other shit going on in our lives. The past two years have been the most difficult of my life, and the past several months have been the icing on the cake. A cake that I’ve been sick and tired of eating.

The best way I can describe it, is that I have felt like I’ve been swimming in an ocean in the middle of a storm, abundant with deep ebbs and flows. And every time I feel like I come up for air, another wave crashes down on me, and once again lose my breath. It has been exhausting to say the least. Sometimes things are actually better left unsaid, and in this online world where I share my deepest thoughts, I needed a little break from sharing my words for short while, until I could catch my breath again—and I finally have. Not sure how long it will last, but I am enjoying every moment of it.

Though I still have obstacles to conquer and hills to climb in many areas of my life, I am feeling more like myself these days, and I’m hopeful—which was a feeling that I almost lost completely. If I have learned anything over the past few years, is that life is unpredictable. It is crazy, awful, scary, wonderful, and beautiful all at the same time. What I’ve learned recently—is that in a world where I want to control almost everything, there is little I actually can. And when you least expect them to, that is when things happen—all in a timing that is out of our hands. Slowly but surely I am accepting, and having faith, that things will eventually work themselves out. Period. No matter how hard I kick, scream, or cry along the way.

We can’t rewind the clock and change our actions or decisions, nor can we predict the future to search for peace of mind amidst the chaos of life. But, what we can do, is simply embrace our circumstances, and just try and do the best that we can with the cards that we’ve been dealt. You live. You learn. And life—however simple or ever-so-complicated—will go on.

In this moment I am finally up for a nice deep breath of fresh air—and it feels good—really, really good. While I don’t expect to be rescued from this crazy ocean that is the usual in my life any time soon, I am hopeful that I can swim away from the heavier waves for awhile and take a little break, so I’m well-rested and ready for when they might come crashing down again.

Song of the Blog:
Never Let Me Go  |  Florence + The Machine  |  circa 2012