It was not long ago that I found myself in a very stressful and vulnerable position as my vehicle stopped running on top of a busy overpass on my way to work. As I sat there wondering “what the fuck,” it only took a moment to realize I had  pushed my luck a little further than normal when it comes to keeping my gas just a titch above empty.

I felt stupid and careless as I was literally just a few miles between where I came from and where I needed to be. After turning on my hazards my first instinct was to call my Dad—he lived just a couple of minutes away and was the most logical choice of who to call that could help—but I couldn’t be certain that he would answer and I didn’t want to face disappointment on top of everything else. I quickly went with my second instinct which was to call my brother. As he was unable to answer I decided to suck it up and put my “I got this” pants on to figure this out on my own. As I briefly recalled signing up for roadside assistance with my insurance company, I called them next. After being switched to three different representatives telling me that I didn’t have it in their system, I hung up frustrated. I took a take a deep breath and went back to square one. “Just call Dad.”

I’ll tell you, I expected him not to answer or not be home (or free) to help out his daughter. If you’ve been following my blog posts at all, then you know that my Dad have a more complicated relationship, so when it comes to being able to rely on him for stuff, I hesitate, because more often than not over the years, he consistently doesn’t follow through. So in this instance of reaching out I actually expected worst-case scenario, which was that I was shit out of luck and would have to call for a tow to haul me off of the bridge.

Cautiously, I dialed his number and listened to the rings on the other end, and much to my surprise he answered right away. After giving him the details of what happened he told me not to worry, and that he would be there as soon as he could to help. For the first time ever he reassured me, for the first time he told me everything was going to be okay, for the first time he said he would be right there—and he actually was.

As I sat in my vehicle waiting for his arrival, more embarrassed than anything, it wasn’t too long before I saw him come towards me from the opposite side of the road, and I couldn’t help to think that even though my tank was empty and I was in a pretty crappy  situation, my heart felt so full. He gave me a hug, filled up my tank, and then insisted on following me to the gas station to make sure I filled up the tank all the way—a very “parent” thing to do I thought, which I have really been missing the past few years after losing my Mom.

If I had to rewind the day all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing, because the one person that I always wanted to be there for me actually showed up and proved that if I needed him he could be there, and that means more to me than anyone, or he, could ever know. This was a huge step in healing my heart after all that we’ve been through together, and it proved that even though he may not know how to show it on the daily, he loves me very much and would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed him, if he could.

I look at him differently now—and it’s a little easier to feel like a daughter that is loved as opposed to one that is an after-thought—and I’ve never felt that before with him. We are both far from perfect, but this was definitely a step in the right direction towards filling a little piece of my heart with a feeling that had always seemed to be missing.

Song of the Blog:
Waiting for Superman by Daughtry  |  circa 2013