When time goes by and I don’t write, that doesn’t mean that I am too busy or lazy, it just means that things are conjuring up in my soul, shit may or may not hit the fan, and I’m not sure if I feel like sharing whatever is going on with the world around me. My closest friends, yes, but not to everyone on the world wide web.
When I went out with my bestie a couple of weekends ago, we chatted for hours as I drank two bottle of wine—which thankfully she found entertaining as I laughed, self-reflected, got pissed, cried a little, and then laughed some more. I rarely drink, which I told everyone at the bar at least 20 times or so, but when I do it can once in a while light up a spark of emotions that I myself didn’t see coming.
Yes, I was holding a lot in, and who better than to share this rollercoaster of emotions with than with the girl that’s heard it all and seen it all since were 15. We talked life, love, lack-of love, timing, grief and whatever else word-vomit I felt the need to spew up that night—and it felt really good to let out the crazy and not feel judged for doing so.
I think anytime we have expectations about anything, it is very easy to feel let down when the result isn’t exactly we planned or hoped for. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it 100 more times probably—it was much different in my twenties when it felt like I had all the time in the world to do certain things, meet someone and accomplish certain goals. Now, at 37, life sometimes seems a little more frustrating when you feel the clock ticking time away, and all of the hind-sights of your past decisions are much more clear.
In the midst of the muck, it is hard to stay positive and think of everything you’re fortunate for and everything that you have for which you’re grateful. Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works, and it’s much easier to recall these things when you’re in a good place. After taking some time to recover from my much-needed vent sesh with my bestie and doing a little self-reflection, I thought that making a list of some key points that I know deep down are more true than the negative shit I tell myself may help me when I’m feeling less optimistic.
Here’s my list—simple, short and sweet:
It’s okay to still have questions about where I’m at what I’m doing with my life. Everyone has questions and doubt, that’s just being human.
I’m single and there’s nothing wrong with me. I believe it’s worth waiting just a little longer for the right person rather than being with the wrong one.
Just because I’m a female, doesn’t mean I have to have children, or get married, or care what anyone else thinks about my status on these things.
I need to trust the timing of my own life and have faith that what will be will be. Everything almost always works itself out.
I can’t rewrite my past, it is what it is. Even if we could go back to change something, we would then want to go back and change that—hind sight is always 20/20.
What one person has or doesn’t have, has absolutely nothing to do with me or my own life.
Oh, and one last thing—never drink two whole bottles of wine in one night ever again. Ever. Again.
For any of you are in a similar boat as a singleton in your Thirties, I hope that these points serve as a reminder that it’s all okay to be exactly where you are in life, no matter how different your situation may look compared to society norms or your friends’ Facebook feeds.
We’re all on our own path trying to figure it all out, so let’s try not to be so damn hard on ourselves.
Song of the Blog:
Feel it All Around by Washed out | circa 2009
(Song Link Coming soon!)
I swear you are in my brain at times. I’ve been completely on the struggle bus with being 37, a divorced, single mom and wondering what is going to happen in my life. So many days I feel incomplete, like something is missing. I am blessed. I have what I need in life – the basics as well as the love of my son. It is hard to realize all of the good, when those around me have what I dream of having. I have to remind myself all of the time, in due time, when the time is right it will happen. Once again, thank you for getting the brain thoughts moving and shaking first thing in the morning!